• twins AF

THE SKARSGUÅRDIANS

good golly gosh, where to even start with this one???...


so, as many of you may know, during the ptsd-inducing c-word pandemmy (PAUSE!! okay, this is honestly really early for an interruption, but, like, we were trying to be polite and say pandemmy instead of pandemic cuz like AHHHHHH ptsd, but for real, why isn't there a pandEmmy award for tv shows that got us through the p-a-n-d-you-get-the-rest?? cuz like schists creek, money heist, ted lasso, defending jacob, titans season 3, they all deserve one) anyway...RESUME!! during that especially *lovely* time, we, like most people, went all the crazies: bat sh!t, stir, cabin, you name it!! to say the least, it wasn't too pleasant. but something pretty awesome that came out of it was our hopscotch and this site, so, like, there's that. but another great thing that festered in our mad, little (well, technically big) minds until it hatched was...


THE SKARSGUÅRDIANS!!


blessing or a curse is still tbd, but essentially our atheist butts needed to know that we weren't alone under lock-down and that there was hope on the other side of the mask during these dark times. while a sane person might think this is when we'd turn religious (or an insane person depending on the cult-level of the church), what actually seemed to do the trick to comfort us was creating an imaginary band with non-imaginary swedish, celebrity brothers bill and alex skarsgård under the name the skarsguårdians.


now again, the logistics of why the heck we chose bill or alex or even decided to make them be in a band will never truly be comprehendible. the c-word was a strange time for everyone that drove most people mentally unstable, so we save ourselves the headache and just kinda accept that we're weird.



we really do hope one day they will form a band. like, if they read this and get the idea or just form a band out of the blue on their own, we're not picky. the one plus side to all the insanity that is the skarsguårdians is that the band doesn't and wouldn't suck. it's not like when you hear stephen king is in a band (and not even a good one) and go - ew, really?? like bill and alex skarsgård would totally and factually be tight together. and their career would be epic.

the rundown of their cåreer


starting out only singing covers, they'd definitely go viral and release a first album with the cheeky original name 'under-the-covers' on myspace (they'd bring it back and make it the new soundcloud so "good artists don't have to wade in the pound with fishy artists, and they can finally get the spotlight they deserve" - a quote alex'd later tell GQ magazine). however, the album would later be re-released as 'twisted with you: the cover album' after they got picked up by a label so it could "be accepted by a wider audience". their dark edge remix of pop songs (like ariana grande's "god is a woman" and natalie imbruglia's "torn") along with their familiar image as characters such as creepy clown 'pennywise' (bill) and sexy vampire 'eric northman' (alex) would ultimately have their producers push them toward an emo rock genre that was a little too sketch for the label. there fans would be hella loyal (what did you expect, we be the fans), but the fame would cause a splinter to form in between their brotherhood. they'd soon fight over who was the better singer, better 'skarsguårdian', and (the poison cherry on top) the better son to stellan (which in a future oprah interview with the two would be discovered as the underbelly of all their fights - including the televised fight during a special halloween performance when bill dressed up like pennywise and tried biting off alex's arm, sending his brother to the hospital). however, before this would be cleared up, their volital stage presences would spark controversy and distaste. the final blow would be the release of their publicly panned fifth album (dåddy, do you love me?: the scars in guårdians), leading them to take a beat - not a hiatus, not a breakup, a BEAT - that would last exactly a year and a half of rediscovering their sound in rehab (not for drugs, just like a yoga retreat for couples therapy). during this time a leak of what was going to be their first album would *duh* leak as their sixth album and have the fans in love with them again back in time for the band to finish their 'beat' and release the best seventh studio album anyone has ever heard of.


below is just the beginning of the skarsguårdians whether they remain imaginary or not.


one way or another, this will happen...



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