FAUSTALICIOUS (f-f-f-f-f-fausty, fausty)
wwwoooooo!!!! did you feel that?? c'mon you had to have felt that?? do you wanna watch it again?? do you need to watch it again?? don't laugh at us. we're being serious.
to be frank. when we see this, we only have one reaction, and only one reaction should follow this video......
all right!! is this another sidenote that features us going on about johnny faust aka andy biersack?? guilty!! so, if you aren't ready for some additional high-key fixation, please check out one of our other posts or sidenotes. if you are in for the infatuation, then yyyyaaaayyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we should start by clarifying what the clip at the top was. this fan-girl-secret-pirated-looking-clip that we recorded is of mr. andy in the film american satan. pause. not sure what that is?? click here for our sidenote on it. read it and then come back here!! however, resuming, the specific part in american satan that we took up iphone storage space to record was when things are about to amp-the-sh!t-up. you're about to see (spoiler) andy and his on-screen bandmates capture the douchey drake-from-drake-&-josh-looking-guy in the hoodie and possibly use him in a sacrifice ritual. it sounds worse than the show makes it. we promise you. --- WAIT A F*CKIN MINUTE!! holy moly, just looked up drake & josh to double check our facts, and, we kid you not, the dog is drake!! that's drake bell!! we don't really remember that show but WOAH!! (lol meant to write 'douche', but accidentally wrote 'dog'. it still kinda works, so we decided to keep it in) okay. 🎶learnin' new facts every day🎶 --- anyways, (still woah 🤯) drake is being a real royal rump thorn to andy - and just society in general - so he's the perfect suspect. as a result to these facts, andy (johnny) delivers his lines:
"i didn't hear you, little fucking bitch, why don'ch you come over here??"
the line itself is not anything special, and you may think we are trippin', but it's the way that andy says it.
just a few nights ago, when we were rewatching this movie, we were floundered at this precise moment. we didn't know what it was. it was just a golden moment. a perfect moment. a spicy moment. we kept rewinding it to solve this mystery, and it was only until one of us (katie) dared to speak the fatal words that we figured it out. "it's kinda hot," katie said bluntly. one word in the way from being the 5sos song title, but she was dead on. it was hot.
in the event that you think we are lying, you can ask anyone we know, but we are not easily hot-for-teacher (hashtag that strange van halen song). what we mean by this is that we are proudly platonic people. therefore, when we say that this clip is "hot", we don't mean "we got the hots for johnny." he's a pretty boy with great hair (more on that later), but we are not flirty-fellas. we only have g-rated affection not r. all this elaborative talk to say that we are simply not crushing on andy. at the same time, the way andy says this line is unmatched hotness 100%. and it only gets better when you watch it more. it's all like ❤️🔥🥵❤️🔥 (in a platonic way obvi). and, just because whenever there is something easily-ABC, we always have to take it a step further, we (tm) and coin this to be faustalicious (f-f-f-f-f-fausty, fausty)!!
(andy, if you see this. sorry. the thought of your face on fergie's in the fergalicious mv was better in the idea-box. though, polka-dots totally suit you.)
listen up, y'all, 'cause this is it. the beat that i'm bangin' is faustalicious!! faustalicious, definition make them hearts go loco!!....
for our future-selves' sake, we are going to decline the urge to type out an entire parody of this song, even though the urge is strong. in the place of it, we are going to dissect the hotness in faustalicious!!
it could be the look. even if e-boys aren't your go to when it comes to boys' aesthetics, you gotta agree that andy is totally rocking the look. the all black leather look, including his jacket and gloves, fits comfortably on him like it's his skin. and the hair!! AH!! the hair!! this may just be an andy-thing and not a faust-thing, although we keep using andy's name and not faust's, but andy has great hair!! as seen in the pics to your left, andy has sported various dos and colors from shoulder-length-black to cut-short-blonde. and, although we don't necessarily support his smoking in the last photo, a guy who can rock a bun far surpasses the other guys in the world. it may just be a certified fact that guys with good hair are divine creatures....but we don't need to tell the male population that 😏. anyhow, we can't speak for the mass majority, but the faust-look is verified cutie-potential, and it definitely has a part in making up what's faustalicious!! (he just looks so much better than drake in that scene, it's unfair!!)
secondly, pretty boys are great, but faustalicious comes with content - not just looks. like we said above, we are not just girls for tools!! luckily for the american satan and paradise city team, they casted andy, who, also luckily, has both (cuteness and content)!! in effect, when this line is said, we witness confidence and calmness. yes, the moment is heated (we mean, we already know it's hot), but andy keeps his tone cool. so typically we see toxic masculinity or yelly-screamo-machoness in movies and shows to get what you want. the difference in this scene is (1) clearly the faustalicious talking, and (2) the reason why we love andy's take on the line. it definitely would have been a 'perfect' review if this was a movie we hopped to - omg!! who says we won't....but, yeah, plugging in our other sidenote again (click here), this goes to show the acting abilities not being crap!! they're faustalicious!!
lastly, the most faustalicious thing in this six second clip are andy's motions. going back to what we just said, andy remains calm, cool, and collected as he stands by his car, and, likewise, his demeanor does the same. all we get out of him is a single arm raise and inch-worm hand gesture. if we look closer, the reaction on his face is the same, too!! he looks down, blinks, lines-up drake, and blinks again. we know we sound serial-killer-intense about this analyzation, but these subtle moves, at the end of the day, make johnny (and andy in that matter) look like a complete bada$$. or, in other words, he's faustalicious (it's hot, hot)!!!!!!!!
(sorry, andy!! we did it one more time.)
so, those were our dissections of the characteristics of faustalicious. not sure if the andy-to-faust name dropping crossovers made total sense there, but maybe that's just because andy is faust, and, therefore, he is faustalicious!!
are we aware that this sidenote may make us come across as obsessed?? yes. but we have a pretty health dose of self confidence to allows us to not give a flyin' 'f' and post this publicly, so here's to you, andy!! you've capture two more hearts and are now dubbed faustalicious, you devilish pretty boy vampire!! kudos to you!!
also, here's the video again. you're gonna need to watch it another time. and aren't you curious now, after you generously read this sidenote. thanks by the way, we appreciate you listening to our crazy brains!!
xo, the twins