SAINT KEANU MOTHER FUDGIN' REEVES aka KATIE'S BOYFRIEND SOON TO BE HUSBAND
hair. gorgeous both long and short.
eyes. two sweet hersey's kisses.
nose. sharp yet delicate.
chin. smooth even with facial hair.
laugh. tender like a marshmallow and smoky like a camp fire.
smile. worthy of a nobel peace prize.
body. too hot to touch but masochistically huggable.
this man i describe to you is keanu reeves. and this is the man i love.
egotistical, sure. but shameful, nah. i have been self-shipping myself with this man for a long time now, and keanu + katie = keantie
(pronounced like the sexy tuscan wine chianti). now, are my parents weirded out that he's 38 years older than me and even older than them?? yeah. especially my dad. but i can't help it. and can you blame me?? keanu is, if not the nicest person on earth, the nicest guy in the galaxy. and that's just facts. and if you aren't caught up on your keanu knowledge aka 'keanuledge' (tm), you're
in luck. cuz lemme 'xplain to you this saint....
once he helped octavia spencer (before she was famous) push her broken down car to the side of the street after no one stopped or came over to help her. AND he insisted that she steered so he could push the car for her.
he is infamously known for hover-handing and respecting boundaries with female friends or fans when taking pictures.
he has generously taken up to 80% pay cuts for films in order to get other actors apart of the project and has donated his salary to the crew to promote pay-equality in the film industry.
when a passenger plane (yes, you're hearing that correctly, NO private jet for mr. keanu) had to make an emergency stop, he made all the arrangements to finish the journey in a bus and
entertained all his fellow travelers as a tour guide for the town they were driving through. he also stayed to take pictures with them.
on the night of his premiere for his film, exposed, there was a long line of excited fans waiting to get into the party - all waiting in the pouring rain. keanu showed up, saw this, and decided it was only fair to wait outside with them in the rain for over 20 minutes to get into his own party. never quitting his prince-charming-ness, at said party, he found someone's credit card and personally tracked down the card's owner later, so he could return it to them in person. wish that was me.
he gave all 12 of the stuntmen on the matrix film their own harley davidson motorcycle to show his gratitude for their hard work and also gave all the stuntmen on john wick their own personalized rolex watches after the film wrapped.
he has donated 70% of his earnings to cancer research ever since he helped his sister pay for her medical bills during her own battle with cancer.
and lastly, but not the last kind thing mr. keanu has done for that would be a much longer list than needed to make my point, while out running errands (yep, you also heard that right - no personal assistants for my man), he parked his motorcycle by a SUV which later hit his custom-made vehicle after trying to back out. the police came and took the owner's information, but when keanu came out of the grocery store and saw what was going on, he quickly informed them that he was not interested in pressing charges. he then went over to check if the owner was alright.
so yes, although everything about keanu reeves' physical being is no degree less than perfect, the thing about him that makes my heart skip the most beats and my cheeks blush the brightest red is the keanu reeves on the inside. the keanu we don't see but know. the keanu with humor. the keanu with humility. the keanu with chivalry. the keanu who's humble. the keanu who's sensitive. the keanu who's loving. the keanu with intellect. the keanu with compassion. the keanu with gratitude. the keanu with my heart. forever and always whether he likes it or not.
i am completely and pathetically infatuated with mr. reeves and have always been since i could remember. it's funny how that works. you feel like you have known and loved them all your life that you forget when you actually first realized who they were. like we all know i wasn't coming out of my mom's stomach (c-section so not womb) speaking my first words 'keanu'...that we know of. i could've easily just whispered it. who knows?? i was a shy baby. jk. that's a lie. that's why i'm making this freakin' sidenote. because i am the least subtle person, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my love of keanu.
in the meantime, before we eventually get married and live happily ever after, the end, i will just have to make due with my keanu reeves body-pillow and keep pretending it's the real him - even if that means i look like a complete bafoon, telling a soulless, feather-stuffed, sack of nothing that i love it over and over again.
until then, i'll be waiting for the day you propose,
with all my love,
(jk imma take ya last name now cuz imma impatient)